Not According To Plan
by Luna-GrrrBack023
Summary: Simon is reunited with a friend from his past, but she has a history with Mal too. Tensions among the crew mount and their latest job could go wrong in so many ways. Post Serenity, spoilers?
1. Unexpected Meeting

**Not According To Plan **

**Author's Note: Just revamping a bit, and hopefully writing more. I've added a bunch, and Chapter Two is completely new. Please, tell me what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OCs, nothing else.**

**Chapter One: Unexpected Meeting**

Siciline Aden strode into the small back room of the café she worked at and let out a frustrated sigh. She'd been on Beaumonde, working low-paying, do-nothing jobs for almost five years and she didn't want to do it for another lousy day. 

"Sisi! Sisi, where are you? Sisi, we've got customers!"

She groaned to hear Nanette's shrill voice call her name. Siciline didn't know why Nanette insisted on using her nickname; Siciline had made it quite obvious she hated her. And besides, her childhood nickname just made her sad and nostalgic. How she longed for the easier days back on Osiris. Sometimes she wondered just why she'd left...

"Sisi, where _are_ you?"

"Coming!" she shouted, quickly composing herself. 

Siciline hated standing behind the counter and watching happy couples sit at the sweet little tables in the sunlight. They had no idea what _real_ life was like. She wished she could be that happy. 

"Hey! Watch it."

She took the man's money a little too forcefully. Nanette came over. 

"Why don't you make the coffee? I can work the register."

Siciline scowled behind her back and crossed the distance behind the counter quickly. She put all of her anger into making the coffees, hoping it would ruin someone's perfect day. _A strawberry mocha with sprinkles on top? Seriously?_ She chose a few choice Chinese words to utter angrily.

"Can you handle bringing the drinks out or would you like me to do it?" Nanette asked sweetly.

"Thanks, I got it," Siciline replied through clenched teeth as she ducked under the counter and grabbed the two iced coffees. 

She walked briskly through the maze of tables, trying to be angry at the beautiful weather too. All but slamming the drinks on the table, she was a little too quick to turn away and the man at the table turned to get her attention. 

"Excuse me, miss?"

Siciline composed herself for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and turned around, false smile jauntily in place.

"What can I do for you si—Simon? Simon Tam? What're you..." she trailed off at the scared and confused look on the man's face. The girl sitting with him grinned and tapped his shoulder. 

"Simon, it's Sisi! Don't you remember?"

A look of relief, recognition and joy came over him. "Siciline! What are _you_ doing here?"

Siciline smiled genuinely for the first time in ages. 

"I work here. How _are_ you? Both of you. I've seen the Alliance waves, and I can't say I haven't worried."

"We're great. I'm a doctor on a transport ship. There's quite a lot to do. And we get to see lots of different places. River enjoys it too, right River?"

River smiled, and nodded. She liked happy feelings and memories; they weren't such a burden.

"Yes, River's found home in _Serenity_."

"I'm so glad that you're happy River. I remember when no one but me believed Simon that you were in danger. We came up with all sorts of plans, none of which really worked, did they?" she laughed. "Well, they weren't that clever. How did you finally manage it Simon?"

"Spent large sums of money and made the right contacts. Used an alias and a uniform, just walked right in. Saved me," River said proudly.

"Well it wasn't as easy as that but I suppose the actual rescue was pretty simple. So Siciline, how did you come to be on Beaumonde? You seem to have come pretty far since we last saw you."

"I was tired of the rich, sheltered life; I wanted some adventure, you know? I don't know about you but I couldn't stand all the decisions being made for me and never having to do anything to get anything. And all the while there were people out there starving and homeless. I took what I needed and as much money as I could and I hopped a ship out of Capital City. Sadly, I didn't know the first thing about picking a ship or a captain and I got conned out of a lot of money. I've been here for almost five years. I hope I'll have enough to make a move soon."

"Where are you planning on going next?"

"No where in particular. What ever sounds the most interesting and costs the least."

"Living life on the edge?"

"Something like that."

"What I've really wanted to know, ever since you left, is why you didn't tell me? Or at least wave me. I've been you're best friend since we were six and seven."

"I'm sorry Simon. I did try to wave you a while back but I guess that was after you sprang River from the academy. I haven't been able to reach you since."

"Well, it's a good thing we've got chance on our side."

Siciline glanced at the clock tower.

"Hey, I'm off in five minutes. I'll be back then. Enjoy your coffees," she said, getting up and going back to the counter, positively beaming.

"What happened to you?" Nanette asked snidely.

"Shut your face, Nanette," she quipped. "My day can only get better."

* * *

"I can't believe it's her. Our luck must be changing River. We may have found the one person in the 'verse that isn't after us. And she's a friend too."

River smiled and nodded. She had always liked Sisi. Sisi was the only one of Simon's friends who hadn't been annoyed by her superior intelligence or regarded her as a bratty younger sister. She had been kind, protective and a lot of fun. Both the Tams and the Adens had large estates on Osiris; Siciline had been their closest neighbor. One of their favorite pastimes had been horseback-riding in the fields. River shut her eyes, remembering the smell of the horses and the wind blowing through her hair. It was a good memory, one she was glad not been replaced by the experiments. She also remembered the paper flowers Sisi would make her and the dancing. The dancing had been fun.

River opened her eyes. "Simon. _Serenity_ is a transport ship. Sisi needs a ride."

Simon weighed the idea in his mind. On the one hand Siciline was his oldest friend, aside from River. He didn't want to lose touch with her again, now that they'd met up. She did want to leave Beaumonde, and soon. On the other hand there was the fact that _Serenity_ was most often used for smuggling. And while Simon and River had grown accustomed, even attached to the crew, most people from back home would find _Serenity_ completely unsuitable. But Siciline _had_ given up her rich, comfortable life for some adventure and if she wanted adventure then she'd find plenty of it with the crew of _Serenity_. 

"I think that would be okay, but we have to ask Mal first. He doesn't like us to do our own thing. I don't know if she just wants to planet hop; she might want a more permanent home. She's been moving around for a while."

"Yes, ask Mal. Sisi's happy to see us, happiest she's been for a long time. She'd like _Serenity_. Doesn't care where she goes. Wants a family again. Can't go home, needs a new one."

"River, don't read minds if you can help it." 

"I can't. Voices are everywhere. Saved our lives before. Can help us again. Need to listen."

Simon smiled. She was right. Her psychic abilities had saved them many times. In a way it was a gift, if one born of pain. Knowing what was going through Siciline's head would help when he appealed to Mal to let her come with them. 

Siciline wandered back to their table carrying a drink of her own and sans apron, visor, ponytail and nametag. She looked better with her hair down. Simon had always loved her red-gold hair; Simon had always loved everything about her. They had never been anything more than exceptionally close friends but he had always hoped they would be.

Siciline sat down and they easily fell to chatting about everyone and everything that had happened to them in the time they'd been apart. However, it soon gave way to reminiscing about their childhood. The boring parties their parents insisted they attend that always held some new found adventure. The way they were always able to get away with anything at school, they were so clever. The numerous secret forts they had strewn between the two estates. The horseback riding. The long summers spent doing anything they wanted. The dancing. The paper flowers. And when they grew to like it, which didn't take long, the theatre. The space race. So many different things. And River remembered every one of them. 

They talked for what seemed like hours, both Simon and River forgetting where they were and the ship they would be going back to. Siciline couldn't imagine the dreary days she spent trapped behind the counter of this café. Their drinks sat forgotten in front of them. 

"Would you like to see my apartment? It isn't much but I don't want to invite myself to your ship."

"Yes, that would be f—," Simon was cut off by the arrival of the crew of _Serenity_.

"Sorry we took so long. You two haven't been getting in to any trouble, I trust? Reckon we got ourselves a bit of a handful with this next job. Who's this now?" Mal had noticed Siciline.

"Captain, this is my friend Siciline Aden, from back on Osiris. Siciline this is—"

Siciline was staring at the captain. "Mal?"

Mal blinked and looked at her again. His eyes widened.

"Sisi?"

Simon didn't like the way she was looking at him. She was out of her chair in an instant, knocking her drink to the ground as she threw her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He stroked her hair, grinning awkwardly at the rest of the crew, who looked on in amazement. Then she looked up and kissed him. Simon's jaw dropped. What the hell was happening?


	2. Memories

**Not According To Plan**

**Chapter Two: Memories**

Siciline had gotten a job at a bar soon after she first arrived on Beaumonde, the Maidenhead in fact. That's where she and Mal had met for the first time. She had a pretty face and an attractive body, a prime candidate for a bar waitress, especially at this bar. No one had told her that directly but she'd guessed the reasons for her immediate hire. Not that she was complaining. She spent her days doing whatever she pleased, which was next to nothing most of the time. But her wild nights made up for her relatively uneventful days. Looking back, she had actually been there quite a while, until one particularly wild night.

It was a relatively ordinary night but the crowd was more lively than usual. It was late but people just kept filing in; Mal had been one of them. He had been there picking up a new job from Fanty and Mingo. Siciline remembered serving them, she remembered him looking at her. 

After that the night had blended together until what appeared to be two rival gangs started a bar fight of epic proportions. Siciline and the other girls did their best to break it up and in the confusion a grimy tattooed hulk of a man grabbed her and dragged her away. When she tried to defend herself he hit her and some other angry drunk tried to steal the tattooed man's prize. Her screams went unheard as they started fighting each other, with her in the middle. She was knocked unconscious among the badly-aimed blows and it was Mal who rescued her from the brawl. 

* * *

Siciline had woken up in _Serenity_'s infirmary as Mal cleaned her wounds at three in the morning. She was disoriented and ached all over. She had immediately panicked, fallen off the operating table and knocked herself unconscious. When Siciline woke later, she was in a spare bunk in the passenger quarters, tucked in snugly so she wouldn't hurt herself again; Mal was asleep in a chair next to the bed.

When she woke the next morning she heard people moving outside, and found the door was locked when she tried to investigate. Mal came later, when the ship was quiet.

"You had quite a night."

She nodded, stopping when her neck hurt.

"I remember you. I served you and those twins, right?"

"Yeah."

"Where are we?"

"I didn't know where to take you so I brought you to my ship. Sorry I locked you in. Crew's nosy and loud, nothin' you needed the state you were in."

"Well, thank you."

They watched each other in silence for a few moments.

"I expect you'll be wanting to get home soon. Would you like something to eat first?" Mal offered.

"No, thank you. I don't think I have the stomach for anything just yet, but I would feel better if you'd escort me home."

"Certainly."

* * *

Beaumonde was much more pleasant during the day. Siciline could tell Mal was making note of the way they came as they walked through the sunny streets, the moons high in the sky.

"Well, here I am," she said, stopping at the entrance to an apartment building. "Number 67."

"Keep yourself out of trouble, can't guarantee I'll be around next time."

Siciline smiled sweetly. "Thank you for rescuing me," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "Goodbye."

Mal watched as she went inside, waved to the man at the front desk and turned out of sight. 


	3. Many Mixed Feelings

**Not According To Plan**

**Chapter Three: Many Mixed Feelings**

Simon was the first to break the silence. "You two know each other?"

"Yes. A joyous reunion, Doc, but never you mind. We need to re-supply before we do this next job. We had a little meeting, made a list of what we need. We're going to split up to get it. Zoë, Jayne and I have some other contacts to meet but the rest of you need to get what's on that list and any medical supplies the doctor says we need. We'll all meet back at _Serenity_ and plan from there."

Simon opened his mouth to say something but a look from Mal and a nudge from River told him not to. He wanted to ask about Siciline. As Mal, Zoë and Jayne walked away, Siciline looked back at him and smiled as she clung to Mal's shoulder. 

"Don't worry Simon; the cap'n will take care of her. He looks to care an awful lot 'bout her," Kaylee said optimistically.

"Yes, that's what I'm worried about," Simon mumbled under his breath as he followed the others towards the commercial district of the city. But he decided that he could deal with that later. He added a few items to the list of supplies Jada handed him.

Jada and her husband Larzl had only recently joined the crew. Both had piloting experience, but Jada was by far superior; she almost rivaled Wash. It's not that Mal and River couldn't handle flying the ship, it's that when they got into a tight spot—which was more often than not—they weren't the most creative pilots. No one could ever really replace Wash but these two got along with the crew well, especially Kaylee, and knew more than a few handy tricks between them. They were also both knowledgeable in the mechanics of a ship, which came in handy, and Jada was a hell of a shot.

Kaylee and Larzl went shopping for parts and Jada, Simon and River went to order food stuffs, pick up medical supplies and look for anything else they might need. Simon wasn't paying much attention to anything; he kept going over in his mind what had happened in the past hour. _Mal and Siciline were old friends, and that was putting it mildly. He was jealous, and he knew it. If anyone asked him, even Siciline herself, he'd tell them he loved her. He always had, since the day they met. Of course he hadn't realized what it was until he was older, but she had always been special to him. And he'd waited too long to say anything. Her history with Mal made the whole situation worse. From here, _he thought, _today couldn't get much worse. Unless someone got shot._

* * *

Zoë was not happy. This next job had a good enough payoff but there were a lot of things that could go wrong and the last thing they needed was the captain's attention elsewhere. He was completely captivated by this girl, who she vaguely remembered. And it seemed to Zoë that by embracing her he had made an enemy of the doctor. The only time she'd seen Simon that defensive was when it came to River, and he'd die for River. He almost had on a couple of occasions. When they entered the warehouse where their contact was supposed to be, they left Siciline outside with a gun for protection. She didn't need to know anything. Zoë took the chance to talk to Mal.

"Sir, do you really think it's a good idea to bring her with us?"

"We didn't, we left her outside. Somethin' bothering you, Zoë?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea letting anyone from the outside in on this, sir."

"She won't be 'in on' anything. She's just a good friend."

"That may be but I got the impression she wants to come with us. Just you wait. She'll ask, or Simon will."

"Zoë, what does it matter to you if she can pay?"

"I just don't want you to get distracted from the job, sir. There are all manner of things that can go wrong if we ain't careful."

"I'm full well aware of that Zoë; don't you think any more on it."

But Zoë was going to worry until they discussed the matter further and made a decision. She had seen the way they looked at each other. There was nothing wrong with being in love, she'd been in love herself but she had gotten married and her husband had already been on the crew. Even marriage could be complicated; Mal knew that as well as anyone else. Zoë was surprised he wasn't more wary after two run-ins with Saffron. Women could be flighty and irrational, and Mal wasn't always the easiest man to live with, romantically involved or not. If all went well, everyone would get along fine and the job would go smoothly.

* * *

All did not go well, Larzl had been shot. 

"Hon, don't fuss, it just grazed my arm," he said when they met back at the ship. 

Jada had seen the blood on his arm and panicked. They went to the infirmary and Simon cleaned and stitched the wound.

"I'll fuss all I want. You just went to pick up parts, how did this happen?"

Larzl sighed.

"We weren't involved in anything. Some blokes were shootin' at each other and a ricocheted bullet grazed my arm as we passed. Poor Kaylee had a fit, made me come straight back here and you weren't even in yet."

Kaylee was sitting against the wall looking relieved and apologetic.

"I'm real sorry Larz. You got shot and I was scared. Ship seemed the safest place."

" 's alright Kaylee, I ain't mad. Could've been worse and then you would've saved my life."

Kaylee smiled. "Thanks."

Jada stepped in.

"The captain's not back yet so let's get all this squared away. You did get all the parts you needed, right Kaylee?"

"Yep, sure did. A little bullet wound wouldn't keep me from fixin' my ship," she said, sticking her tongue out at Larzl.

"A minute ago you're all flustered and now you're jokin'!"

"Aw Larz, I don't mean it. C'mon, let's get these parts replaced."

Kaylee and Larzl went to repair the engine. Simon cleaned up the infirmary and put away the needed supplies. River went with Jada to the kitchen and they started restocking the food supply. Along with the basic proteins they had also purchased some fruits and vegetables with the extra money Mal had given them. Simon joined them when he was finished and Jada left to help with the engine. As soon as Jada left, River spoke.

"Stop brooding. You'll just say something stupid when they come back." 

Simon was completely taken aback. "I...what? River, what do you mean I'll say something stupid?"

"You're jealous. Don't say something stupid when you see them together. Difficult job, many risks. Need to be on the same team."

"River how do you know that?"

River smiled and tapped her head. 

Simon rolled his eyes. "Wait. What else do you know?"

River laughed. "No. Not supposed to tell. You want blackmail. You shouldn't."

"River I don't—" 

"Can't lie to me. I know," River smiled.

"Then you know how I feel about her."

She laughed. "The way you looked at her and Mal, the whole crew knows how you feel."

"That's not funny. I just want some answers. Please River, I'm so confused."

"Try someone else. Try a different method."

"That doesn't help."

"Just think. Very smart, you'll get it."

Simon sighed. Being smart wasn't the same as being a reader.

* * *

The order of basic protein had just been delivered and Jada and Larzl were stowing it as Kaylee and River played a card game on the walkway and Simon watched them. Mal, Zoë and Jayne returned with Siciline still in tow. Mal and Siciline were happily talking while Zoë and Jayne were silent and stony faced. 

Kaylee called down from the walkway, "Welcome back, Cap'n. How'd business go?"

"Just shiny Kaylee. Everything's in order for our next job, though it looks to be a might difficult. Is everyone present and accounted for?" 

"All but Inara, Cap'n, and she'll be back in 'bout an hour."

"Glad to hear it. Then we'll be takin' off in 'bout an hour. Get everything secured and tidied up. I got one last errand to run. Zoë, you're in charge." 

Mal turned and left the ship with Siciline. Everyone stood in silence for a minute.

"You heard the captain, let's get this ship squared away and ready for takeoff. We leave in one hour," said Zoë.

* * *

Mal and Siciline walked in silence. She couldn't help smiling. She was going with them. They were going to her apartment to get her things. Freedom. Today had been such a good day. She had been reunited with the only three people she had any care about and she had told Nanette exactly what she thought of her. It was so good to see Simon and River. And Mal...she hadn't seen him for over a year. But none of that mattered, she was finally leaving and she was leaving with them. 

She'd decided to run away after the independents lost the war. The whole ordeal had disgusted her but the way the Alliance acted was abominable. The mentality of Osiris had changed so drastically; though most of the privileged class had been pompous before the war, after they were completely unbearable. She had been planning on going farther than Beaumonde, somewhere she could do some good, but the captain she'd picked had taken advantage of her extreme wealth and naivety, leaving her stranded. That was one of the things Mal had taught her: what to look for in a ship and its captain. But she'd never left with him, though he'd made the offer. She couldn't explain why she wanted to go so badly now. She knew in part it was because Simon and River were also onboard _Serenity_. 

Saying the apartment was small would be an understatement. There was a community bathroom down the hall. Inside there was a tiny kitchenette in the corner of the common room and an even bedroom, which didn't even have a proper bed. Mal looked around, a little shocked.

"Why are you living like this?"

Siciline smiled. "It was never meant to be permanent. Almost all of this I brought from Osiris. I don't want a life of luxury, Mal. In fact I've been trying to get off this rock for quite some time; I've just never been able to do it. Maybe I was waiting for this day, but all I know is I'm glad it's finally here."

"Well go on and get your stuff packed, we're leaving soon."

Siciline had few belongings. She had mostly necessities but the few memories she had, she treasured. It all took only a couple of minutes to pack. She put on her coat and picked up her three bags, her purse and her bedroll. She could easily carry it all but Mal carried it for her. 

* * *

Simon had been pacing for quite some time. He didn't know what to do with himself. _His long lost friend was coming with them and he was restless. He had someone to relate to, a friend for his sister, and it's not like the crew wouldn't like her. This was the kind of life she had wanted and he didn't want her to have it. He wanted her to be safe, living in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, not out here in the company of thieves. Sure he liked them well enough but for a girl who didn't know how to deal with them, he just wasn't sure. Someone got shot every other job. There were creepy employers like Niska. And there were Reavers. He didn't want that for her. River was right, he did want to say something stupid, just blurt it out. But what would he say, and to whom? _

They came back before he had made a decision. Kaylee and River had gone back to their game; the rest of the crew was elsewhere. Mal shut the door to the cargo hold and called up to Kaylee.

"What's the news Kaylee?"

"Nothin' much Cap'n. Got the stuff stowed, an' everyone's been busy. Inara ain't waved us yet but she should be checking in soon. Her hour's almost up." 

"Glad to hear it. How 'bout you and River finish your game and show Siciline where she can sleep?"

Kaylee smiled, "Sure thing Cap'n. We're almost done."

Mal kissed her on the cheek, set her bags down and left the cargo hold. Siciline had never been given free run of a ship before. She stood looking up at the ceiling. 

"You can look around if you like," Kaylee said.

"Oh thank you but I wouldn't know where to go," Siciline said, climbing the stairs to the walkway. 

Siciline sat and watched them finish. 

"Okay, let's go get you a room," Kaylee said, getting up. "My name's Kaylee, by the way." She extended a hand.

Siciline shook her proffered hand. "Nice to meet you Kaylee. I'm Siciline."

"You ever been on a Firefly before?" she asked, helping Siciline carry her bags.

"Oh, yes. I took one to Beaumonde over five years ago and I've been on _Serenity_ many times since then."

"Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes," Siciline said, "beautiful."

* * *

Inara had just docked her shuttle. She had waved them soon after Mal returned. They took off and she met them in atmo. 

Siciline was a wonderful cook and together with Kaylee they were a force to be reckoned with. Both had become fast friends and had taken it upon themselves to cook dinner with the fresh produce that Jada had purchased. It was their anniversary too; Jada and Larzl had been married for seven years now. They had been talking about it for the past week and with all the commotion of leaving they had forgotten. Well not really, but it wasn't top priority; River could tell. She reminded Siciline and Kaylee while they were cooking and volunteered to make them something special. 

The dining area was full of talk and laughter as everyone sat down to dinner. The prospect of a meal made from fresh food had everyone in high spirits. Mal had pulled up an extra chair at his side for Siciline, who sat down happily next to him and passed a bowl of potatoes. Everyone had just begun to eat and talk of the day's accomplishments when Inara sauntered in. Kaylee looked up brightly and greeted her. But Inara was staring at Mal, who had just given Siciline kiss on the cheek.

"Who the hell is she?" Inara said, not hiding the jealousy in her voice.


	4. An Awkward Dinner

**Not According To Plan**

**Chapter Four: An Awkward Dinner**

Everyone stared in shock at Inara. She was usually very calm and collected, not to mention she was an expert at hiding her emotions. She had immediately retreated back into her normal calm demeanor but no one was fooled. Inara sat down, glancing once more at Mal and Siciline, and everyone continued eating in silence. No one was talking but, River felt like she was in a very crowded room. She could hear everyone and they were all confused and unsettled. 

* * *

Inara was embarrassed and jealous. Embarrassed she had let her feelings get the better of her and jealous of this woman. Who was she? She wasn't a Companion and she didn't look like a common whore. Besides, she had thought they had a mutual, unspoken understanding about their feelings for each other. He had certainly failed to tell Inara about her. And why was Simon shooting hostile glances at Mal too?

Simon was furious with Mal. Sure he wanted Siciline to come with them but he didn't want this life for her. Siciline was his best friend, but she had eyes only for Mal. He was glad to see that he wasn't the only one who was unhappy about the situation. He should have known Inara would be just as jealous. She and Mal were pretty much an unspoken couple since she hadn't returned to Sihnon. Obviously he had left this little detail out.

Zoë had known this was going to happen. This had been what she was trying to tell to Mal earlier. Not only would Simon be angry with Mal but Inara would be jealous. Now they were going into a risky job with emotions running high. This world would be a lot simpler if everyone could talk about their feelings. At least no one else seemed to be upset by this turn of events.

Kaylee had forgotten about Inara. She had thought Siciline looked like a nice person from the start. And she had been right. There was just a bit of a problem where Mal was concerned. Everyone had been so happy to have Inara back on board they thought nothing more of it. Mal and Inara had settled their differences and life was back to normal. Until today. 

Amid all this tension Jada and Larzl had both remembered it was their anniversary. They could celebrate later though. Nothing like this had happened among the crew before. They usually got along so well. But this new girl, Siciline, had riled them up. They thought she was nice enough but it would take a while for her to assimilate properly. They hoped it wouldn't throw a wrench in the next job. 

Jayne had been having a good day. Good payoff, minimal complications, and then Mal had gone and found this girl. It was always Mal who got the women, he couldn't fathom why but he always did. And Mal and Inara were supposed to be an item. When had Mal met this girl anyway? But in the long run what did he care as long as he got paid. 

Siciline had found the ship and its crew very welcoming until a minute ago. Until this Companion had come storming in, yelling about her. What cause did a Companion have to be jealous? They were no better than prostitutes but she didn't think it was wise to say so. Anyway when she had last been on Serenity neither of the shuttles were rented out and there wasn't a Companion on board so Mal had obviously met her first. Otherwise she was enjoying her stay very much. She had a very nice room with a real bed, plenty of space, free run of the ship, two of her oldest friends back and Mal. And she had finally gotten off that rock. That was the best part of the day.

Mal hadn't really thought about the consequences of bringing Siciline with them. He had been so happy to see her that he had forgotten about Inara. The rest of the crew didn't seem to have a problem with her, besides Zoë. And everyone had been getting along so well too. Now the room was silent, the kind of silence Mal really disliked. He hoped everyone would finish their dinner quickly and go about their business. But he also expected a confrontation from about half the crew and he wasn't looking forward to that. 

River heard all of this as if from their own mouths. She liked being able to know what they were thinking, instead of having to guess by expressions or gestures. It must be very hard for them at this moment. She knows they would all like to be able to read each other's minds. If they could there might not be as much tension in the room. It felt like it could snap at any moment, all it needed was a harsh word and they'd be at each other's throats. River picked up her dinner knife and sliced it through the air over the table. 

She smiled, "There, all gone. Cut through it before it could snap."

Simon glanced at her, apprehensively. "River what are you talking about?"

"Too much tension, could've snapped. Cut through it and saved the trouble."

It took a moment for everyone to register what she had said. Then Zoë of all people started to laugh. Soon everyone was laughing and the awkwardness was forgotten. Normal talk resumed but Inara was quiet for the rest of the meal and every now and then a few hostile, questioning glances were exchanged. River knew this was not forgotten yet. 


	5. Games

**Not According To Plan**

**Chapter Five: Games**

Inara had certainly not forgotten. She left for her shuttle as soon as she was finished. No one was surprised. They had expected Simon to leave too, which he did, but not as quickly or angrily as Inara had. He helped them clear up and then silently left. Larzl volunteered to help the cooks with the dishes. He and Kaylee happily chatted as they worked but Siciline was distracted by the after dinner traffic through the kitchen, particularly Mal. Kaylee noticed. 

She nudged Siciline. "You've had a long day. If you wanna call it a night, we're all set here."

Siciline smiled at her. "Thanks, I am pretty tired," she said, putting down her dish cloth and drying her hands.

Kaylee continued chatting with Larzl as Siciline headed in the last direction she had seen Mal take. She wanted to talk to him but she had also forgotten how to get to her bunk. He was relatively easy to find; the cockpit was straight down the hall from the kitchen. Mal was talking to Jada so she waited in the doorway. They were setting a course for somewhere she hadn't heard of before, but then she probably wasn't supposed to be listening anyway. 

Mal turned and saw her watching him. "If you'll excuse me Jada," he said leaving the cockpit.

"Hi."

"Hey. Saw you watching. Need something?"

"Um, yes actually, I've forgotten how to find my bunk. And I wanted to talk to you, just talk."

"Right this way," he led her towards the passenger dorms. "So what's on your mind?"

"I want to know more about you. I mean, we've never really gotten to know each other."

"Yeah, know what you mean. Don't know if you caught that news bulletin about Reavers a while back, where they come from and all. That was our doing. Had to get to the bottom of, well of River. Feds did something to her head. She's a reader. Before that everything was normal I'd say. Took the jobs we could get. Got paid. Life goes on. You?"

"I worked at that café for the longest time; I quit my job at the Maidenhead, too many thugs. I just kept working so I could get off that planet. I finally have, thanks to you."

They arrived at her bunk. "Well, I'd better..."

"Sisi!"

"River? What were you doing in there?" 

"Want to play a game. Will you play with me? Captain can play too."

"Mal, you up for a game?"

"Sure, why not."

River smiled widely and ran to her bunk. She returned with a pack of cards in one hand and, taking Siciline's hand, she led them to the common area. Mal was glad River was improving; she was safer and a lot happier. It also allowed Simon to pay more attention to everything else and he and Kaylee had finally gotten somewhere. Yes, it was very good that River was improving. 

"Mal. Sit."

"Wha'? Oh, sorry." He had been staring at them.

They played a game River remembered from childhood. River could read their thoughts, but they played anyway. Most of the time, Mal and Siciline watched each other over their cards, not really paying much attention to the game. 

They were not the only ones watching each other. Simon watched them all through the infirmary window. He was happy to see River enjoying herself, but he was growing increasingly jealous. Siciline was giving _Mal_ a look he'd always wanted her to give him. He watched them play until River grew sleepy and rested her head on Siciline's shoulder. He went into the common room and lifted River up, carrying her to her bunk. When he came back Mal and Siciline were no different, still playing the game, albeit with much more whispering and smiling. Simon rolled his eyes and returned to the infirmary. 

When Siciline became tired of playing she set down her cards and leaned against Mal's side, yawning gracefully. Her eyes moved around the room and she moved closer to Mal before saying, "I really like your ship. It feels welcoming and safe. It feels like home," she smiled. "My home never felt like a home, neither did Beaumonde."

"Glad she suits you. I felt the same. You look tired, you should get some sleep."

"Mmkay," she said sleepily. 

He helped her up and walked her to her bunk.

"Good night Mal," she said softly, kissing his cheek and pulling her door shut.

Simon watched as Mal walked past the infirmary and climbed the stairs leading towards the crew's quarters. He closed up the infirmary, checked on River and then knocked softly on Siciline's door.


	6. Complications

**Not According to Plan**

**A/N: Well, I'm back! Repeat viewings of Firefly and Serenity certainly serve as good inspiration. River is thinking in italics, just to be clear. R&R s'il vous plait!  
**

**Chapter Six: Complications**

River had intended to sleep that night. It was all getting so much easier for her, with the secret out about Miranda. She should have expected Simon to do something foolish. He simply couldn't calm his thoughts. She didn't consider it eavesdropping; it wasn't her fault she could hear everything. River settled in for what she knew was another sleepless night.

* * *

Siciline had been intending to sleep as well, but suddenly she found it very difficult. She had been unpacking her few precious belongings when Simon knocked on her door.

"Not asleep yet?" she asked, peeking her head around the door to her room.

"Nope. Can I talk to you for a bit?"

"Uh, sure. Come in, I guess." Siciline opened the door wider and took a seat on the bed. "Hope you don't mind if I keep unpacking."

Simon said he didn't and she picked up a bag and continued to rummage through it. She continued to rummage and unpack until his silence unnerved her.

"Simon?"

"Yes?"

"Didn't you, um, have something you wanted to talk to me about?" He was staring and it made her a bit uncomfortable.

_I told you not to do something foolish. You never listen,_ River thought, shaking her head.

"Yes. I was just…I guess I'm a little confused about this whole situation," he said slowly.

Siciline put down her bag. "What '_situation_'?"

"Well, the captain seems awfully…"

"Awfully what? Simon, what are you trying to say?"

He cleared his throat. "The captain seems awfully enamored of you. And well, you…you seem…you're, well, you're acting similar. To the captain."

River rolled her eyes.

"Simon, I'm not sure I…have you always been this awkward or did I do something I'm unaware of—"

"I love you," he blurted out, "And I didn't realize…didn't realize it…Sisi, what is going on between you and the captain?"

"What?"

_Simon! What did I tell you? _

"I…I love you. And—"

"Are you jealous? Of Mal? Simon, I haven't seen you in five years. I'm completely different from the girl you knew growing up. I probably have more in common with the crew of _Serenity_ that you would like to imagine. I've seen, done and become many things I never expected to see, do or become…" she trailed off.

"What're you trying to say?"

"You've always been a brother and a best friend to me, and I love you too, but in a purely platonic way. What I mean is, I think you're in love with your idea of me. You probably wouldn't like the person I've become if you met her on the street. I didn't just work in a café with a pink visor and a high pony-tail for five years."

_She's certainly right about that…_

"I'm sorry Simon."

"I shouldn't have presumed anything. It's okay."

"What about Kaylee? River's been telling me so much about Kaylee. And you."

"You and Kaylee are completely different."

"Yes. I'd imagine that's so. But probably not in the way you're thinking."

_It wasn't always like this._ _It used to be simple. Boys and girls._

They sat in silence for a while, staring in the opposite direction.

"So you and the captain?"

"Hmm? Oh, I don't know about me and '_the captain_'. We're just…we've been through a lot."

_That's true. Almost an understatement._

"Look, can we continue this talk in the morning? I'd like to go to bed; I've had quite a day."

Simon nodded. "Yes. That would probably be best. Good night," he said, giving her a hug and kissing her awkwardly on the cheek.

Simon returned to his bunk, eager to forget what a fool he had made of himself. Siciline sat in silence for a while, keenly studying her hands.

River sighed happily and closed her eyes, knowing she would soon be asleep.

She certainly wasn't expecting to be woken again thirty minutes later by Siciline's anxious thoughts as she snuck through the dark ship on her way towards the captain's cabin.

_It's okay. I didn't want to sleep anyway._

* * *

Siciline shivered as she made her way through the sleeping ship. She wasn't sure if it was the feel of the cold metal on her bare feet or just nerves. She didn't know if sneaking into the captain's quarters was okay, because she was definitely sneaking, there was no other way to describe it. She pulled her silk dressing gown closer to her body as she hesitated in the corridor.

Siciline slipped quietly down the cold metal ladder. In the dim light of the cabin, she watched Mal's sleeping form, hair slightly rumpled, chest slowly rising and falling. She knelt, pulling her dressing gown around her again. Space was much colder than she remembered. She reached out and touched Mal's arm, feeling the line of an old scar beneath her fingers. It was minutes before she felt his eyes on her, so intent was her examination of the scar.

River knew she was intruding, but she couldn't stop them.

"What's wrong?"

She smiled at him. "Nothing in particular."

"You're cold. Come up here; we'll both fit."

Siciline's blush was lost in the darkness as Mal encircled her with warm arms. She hesitated on instinct, almost pulling away, but he held her closer.

"It's okay," he whispered. "You don't got nothing to worry on anymore."

She smiled against his shoulder, tracing the contours of his chest with a finger.

_Tomorrow is going to be awkward._

"What are we, Mal? I never know what to think. I know for certain that I've unsettled your crew, which I never meant for. But I've never known just what we are. I'm not even quite sure who I am. I don't think I've ever really known. And Simon—"

"What's the doc got to do with this?"

"This has a lot to do with him. Simon has ideas. Too many for his own good. He always has. But he's my oldest friend. And he's on the ship. I take it you didn't notice the daggers he was looking at you today?"

Mal murmured that he had not.

"I didn't think you had. I guess it doesn't really matter. Right now I just want to lie here."

"I was hoping so." He kissed the top of her head.

_Please let me sleep._

Siciline kissed a scar on Mal's chest.

He gave her a questioning look, which she returned with a small smile and another kiss.

_Hmm._

"You…we…?"

"Yes."

More kisses and touching.

River might have allowed her curiosity to continue unchecked, so strong were the thoughts and emotions she was exposed to, had she not been acutely aware of just how complicated everything had just become. She crossed the hall to Simon's room, hoping whatever sedative he could offer her would do the trick. She wanted to sleep while she still could.


	7. Revelations

**Not According to Plan  
**

**Chapter Seven: Revelations**

River had been able to sleep but the dreams were another matter. At some point Siciline had snuck back to her own room without notice, but River watched her closely over breakfast nonetheless. Breakfast was a very quiet affair, even with all the traffic through the dining area. Simon and Siciline sat next to each other, but awkwardly. River sat across from them, absent-mindedly toying with her food as she studied her brother and her friend. The rest of the crew was quick and quiet retrieving their breakfast and going on their way. All but Kaylee, who cheerfully wished them a good morning on her way through to the engine room. River knew Mal was avoiding the dining area to avoid starting anything. Inara did not make an appearance.

Siciline assumed Mal was on the bridge but she did not want to interfere. Mal's second in command didn't look like she would tolerate much. And she didn't like the way the big, mercenary-looking fellow watched her. Not to mention River, who had been watching her for some time, though she tried to hide it.

It was River who finally gave up, muttering "pointless" to herself as she cleared away her dishes and glided towards the cargo bay, her preferred haunt.

"Just you and me," Siciline murmured.

Simon nodded, intent on his mug of tea.

"Did you want to talk about anything else?"

He shrugged.

"You know, I thought I loved you once too," she said, pushing the remains of her breakfast around her plate with a chopstick.

This news caught Simon's attention.

"Yes, back when I was a silly, naïve girl and you were a hotshot new doctor. You didn't notice me anymore. Everyone around you sang your praises and you didn't mind a bit. Remember my accident? When I crashed my father's speeder blocks from the hospital? I did it on purpose Simon; I wanted your attention. Which I got of course, best _medical_ attention in the 'verse. You never saw me. You had the hospital and you had River."

Simon was speechless.

"I'm sorry. I was blunt."

"Sisi, you almost lost your legs in that crash. I don't understand, why didn't you say anything?"

"You were never there. And when you were it was because I was the only one who would listen to you about River. I didn't want to interrupt that."

"So what, so you're saying that we can't anymore, that now—"

Siciline sighed. "It's not that simple. I told you, I've been through a lot."

"Yes, I know, you and _the captain_."

"Not just with Mal. Things just have a way of complicating themselves is all. You should know that. Did _you_ really ever expect to end up here?"

"No."

"See, I ran away hoping to find a life like this. Plain, simple, nothing sugar-coated about it. Real. Yes, difficult at times, but you get to loving something the more you have to fight for it."

"You sound just like the captain."

"That's not the point."

"What is the point then?"

"Simon, I don't think we can just pick up where we left off. We've changed too much. I'm overjoyed to have found you again. But I can't go down that same road." Siciline stood and collected her dishes.

_Leave her alone Simon. You've done enough already._

Siciline focused keenly on washing her dishes and not on Simon, who was standing on the other side of the counter. She couldn't stop thinking. About Simon. About Mal. About everything she had lived through alone on Beaumonde. She didn't know who she was supposed to be now.

"You're not washing."

"What?" She looked up.

"You stopped washing a few minutes ago," Simon observed. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just…" She finished cleaning her dishes and put them away.

"Please, let me in. You can tell me."

Siciline was staring at her hands as they gripped the edge of the counter. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She'd have to explain herself. She blinked away the tears and turned around to excuse herself. What she saw instead was Mal watching silently from the doorway, unbeknownst to Simon.

"I can't," she said hurriedly. "Not yet. Now please, I need to be alone." She fled the kitchen for her bunk.

From where she lay on the floor of the cargo hold, River was trying to piece together all the snippets of memory and emotion she was reading from Siciline. It was going to be more work than she had anticipated.


	8. Memories 2

**Not According to Plan**

**Author's Note: Just FYI, the memories chapters are supposed to be memories that River is listening to as they are being remembered.  
**

**Chapter Eight: Memories**

Siciline had never expected to see him again. After the brawl in the Maidenhead she had found work in a different locale. She opted for a quieter, cleaner bar this time. And by definition quieter and cleaner meant Alliance-friendly. But she could work during the day, the off hours, the hours less prone to drunken brawls, which she liked. She definitely had never expected to see him again.

It was a few months later, Unification Day in fact, that she noticed the man who had come to her rescue come into the bar, sequester himself in a corner and order a bottle of something very strong. Her conclusion: most definitely a former Browncoat looking for some U-Day trouble. Siciline kept her eye on him for the remainder of her shift, though she didn't worry much as business was slow during the first half of the day.

* * *

At the end of her shift she made her way over to his table.

"Hello," she said. "Do you remember me or are you too far gone at this point?"

He studied her for awhile and mumbled what she thought was "bar fight" before going back to his drink.

"Yes, the bar fight in the Maidenhead. Well, sir, I'd certainly take it as a kindness if you didn't start one in here."

"Whaddya mean 'start one'? 'One' what?" he slurred.

"Bar fight. I know you've a mind to, that's why you're here. It's U-Day after all."

He stared at her with a confused expression.

"Look, how 'bout I take you back to your ship so you can sleep this off and not do something you'll regret later, 'kay?" Siciline didn't wait for a response. She hauled him to his feet and they made their way out.

She sat him down at a café down the street with a few shots of espresso and a good hot meal.

"This'll take the edge off," she said. "You can thank me later, just get to eating and drinking."

Siciline watched his progress as she sipped at her glass of ice water, realizing that she had never learned his name, much less told him hers. When the food and coffee were gone and the man was watching her again, she reached an arm across the table to introduce herself.

"We didn't do this proper last time. Hello, my name's Siciline Aden. My friends call me Sisi. I'm from Osiris."

He shook her hand and followed her lead.

"Nice to know it. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the Firefly-class ship _Serenity_. I'm from Shadow and you can call me Mal."

"Very nice to meet you Mal. I hope I didn't interrupt your drinking too abruptly, but you looked like you were going to cause some damage soon. I didn't want that."

He nodded. "Can't say I think on too much else come U-Day. It's a bad path for me to go down."

"I can see that it is. Anyways, I'd like to return the favor, if you don't mind terribly. I can take you back to your ship so's you don't do yourself any mischief tonight."

"Don't suppose I have much choice in the matter, do I?"

She smiled. "Nope, you don't," she said, throwing some money down on the table. "C'mon, you need to sleep it off."

Siciline held out an arm and Mal stumbled as he stood to take it. It wasn't a long way to _Serenity_. She had flown on a Firefly when she first came to Beaumonde; she hoped she would be able to leave on one too. Mal had stopped walking and was looking back at her.

"You alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. I was just thinking is all."

He held out a hand. "Wanna have a look around? No one's about, we've got the ship to ourselves."

"I'd like that."

Mal gave Siciline the full tour, showing her every nook and cranny, regaling her with tales of previous heists, even telling her a few war stories. Siciline liked ships, small freelance ships. She liked the idea of choosing your own destiny, making your own way. Maybe she'd save enough to fly away on one someday. Maybe even on _Serenity_.

"You're awful quiet, miss. Sure you're okay? You do stop and stare a lot."

"Mhmm. Just looking is all."

"Well, c'mon. Bridge is just through here."

The sun had set and the Unification Day celebrations had begun. The cheers, yells and gunshots were faint but still noticeable from inside the ship. Mal sat at the helm, pointing out buttons and dials and their various functions. Siciline could hear the love in his voice as he described his ship. She longed to float amongst the stars, free from earthly restraints.

"You're doin' it again."

"Sorry. It's just so beautiful." The sky was scattered with stars and the shapes of Beaumonde's moons. The U-Day festivities had culminated in a fireworks display, decorating the night sky with even more light. "So beautiful."

"That it is," Mal agreed, taking a good look himself.

"She's your freedom. Your ticket to the stars. You can just leave your troubles, spread your wings and fly away. Fly far, far away." She looked down at Mal, who was staring at her from his seat at the helm. "Now who's staring?"

"You just…that's the most…" He stopped, searching for words.

"I know. That's how you feel. I—"

She was cut short when he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. Siciline was a little surprised, though not unhappy. She knew he was a good man. The kind she wished she knew more of.

He had stopped his kisses and was watching her again. "Sorry, I don't usually—"

She placed a finger on his lips. "It's okay. I was just thinking."

"Noticed you do a lot of that."

Siciline smiled and stroked his hair. "But I don't need to. Not now." It was her turn to do the kissing now.

* * *

At some point during the evening's exertions, Mal moved them down the corridor to his bunk. She woke sprawled across his bare chest, tendrils of hair stuck to her forehead. The ship was quiet. Everything was quiet. The only audible sounds were their breathing.

Siciline wasn't sure what this meant. What to think. She sat up, looking down at his sleeping form. Their blatant nakedness made her blush. Yes, she definitely didn't know what to think. She barely knew this man. She didn't do things like this.

"What am I doing here?" she whispered to herself.

She slipped out of bed and pulled on her clothes. Out on the street, Siciline breathed in deeply. She definitely wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.


	9. Remembering

**Not According to Plan  
**

**Chapter Nine: Remembering**

"Just what did you say to her?"

Simon turned around, surprised to see Mal standing in the doorway.

"I…what?"

Mal stepped into the kitchen. "You heard me, Doc. What'd you say?" His tone was even but Simon could detect a hint of anger. Or was he being protective?

"No."

They both turned. River had silently made her entrance.

"Enough."

"River?" Simon moved towards her.

She shook her head. "You don't know. Too much. Both of you. Just stop." She left them standing there, wondering what she knew.

* * *

"I made them stop."

Siciline looked up. River was watching her.

"Made who stop?" she asked.

"Mal and Simon."

"Oh, them. Right. Thank you."

"Sad."

"What?"

"You're sad. You don't want to be. Want to be happy. Want things to be easy."

Siciline nodded. "Yes, but they never are. Not sure why I thought they would be now."

"You're remembering," River said.

"Yes."

"Looking for an answer."

"Yes."

"Why did you leave him?"

"What?"

"In the morning. Why didn't you stay? You were remembering, but you stopped."

"River, what're you…?" Then she remembered what Mal had said about her being a reader.

"I'm sorry. It never stops. I didn't try to."

"It's okay River. Anyway, I think I left because I was scared. But I'm not sure why."

"He came and found you. Made it better."

Siciline smiled. "Yes, he did."

River nodded. "You were scared later though. Never told him."

Somehow Siciline understood what she meant. "No, I didn't. I don't know how."

"You will."

* * *

River was right; Mal had come and found her. Siciline had gone home and showered, standing under the water until it ran cold. She had laid on her bedroll for the rest of the day, just thinking. Her life hadn't turned out the way she wanted. Leaving Osiris hadn't made anything easier. True, she didn't have to answer to anyone, but she hadn't escaped. Now money truly decided her life; without it she would be living on the street.

And she had always thought she would be with Simon. At least she had hoped. Never had it crossed her mind that she'd have a clichéd one-night stand with a renegade Browncoat. Of course, it had never crossed her mind that she'd _want_ to. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

Siciline had had to leave the safety and seclusion of her apartment for work the next day, but she felt she had recovered. She was stocking the back room and taking inventory when she heard voices saying her name and approaching footsteps. She peered around a shelf as Mal poked his head into the room.

"There you are."

Siciline retreated behind the shelf. "Yes, here I am," she said to herself. "What do you want?"

He followed her. "Just wanted to check on you, make sure you're alright."

"Thank you, I'm fine."

"You're not acting fine. Look half terrified to see me here."

Siciline looked down at her feet. "I was…I…I don't…I'm confused. Yes, I'm confused. I don't know what to think. I don't do…I don't do what we did, that's not how…" She looked up at him. "I'm sorry; I'm not making any sense am I?"

"Not really."

She sighed. "I just wasn't expecting to see you again. Now I don't know what to say."

He reached out a hand. "Come here, you don't have to say anything."

She took his hand and let him draw her to him. "What's this—"

"Shh. No need for talking."

He held her tightly, letting all of her insecurities ebb away.

"It doesn't have to mean anything to you if you don't want it to. I'm not expecting anything if you're concerned. I'll be a friend to you if you want one. Or more. You just seemed awful lonely to me is all."

"Okay, er, yes. Thank you. Why're you…?" Siciline was still confused.

Mal shrugged. "Seemed like you needed protecting. And kindness."

She smiled. "Well, thanks."

"You gonna be okay now?" he asked.

She nodded.

"_Serenity_'s parked here three more days if you need me. I certainly hope our paths cross again, Siciline."

"Maybe I'll stop by again before you leave."

"I'd like that."

As he turned to go she caught his arm and reached up to kiss him.

"Bye."

* * *

"You missed him. A lot."

Siciline nodded. It was easy talking to River. It didn't actually involve a lot of talking. She always knew the truth. And she didn't judge.

"He's worried. Talk to him. Help him understand."

"Mal? Mal's worried?"

"Usually worried. Thinks you're special. Very dear. Worth the trouble." River smiled.

"What about Simon? I think Simon's worried too."

River rolled her eyes. "No. Not Simon. Being obsessive. Leave him alone. My problem."

Siciline took a deep breath. "Okay. More talking. Sounds like a plan."

"Remember. Be happy. People who love you. Really love you. Really care. No matter what." She touched Siciline's hand. "Friends."

She smiled. "Thanks for listening River."


	10. Secrets and Truths

**Not According to Plan  
**

**Chapter Ten: Secrets and Truths**

Siciline lay on the floor of her bunk, staring at the ceiling and trying to gather the courage to have a conversation that River already knew she would have. That was how Mal found her, still lying there.

"You've been lyin' there a long while, haven't you?"

She nodded.

"Thinking again?"

"Yes," she smiled. "It's about all I'm good for it seems. Thinking and making folk angry at each other. Or just angry at me and you…"

Mal sat down on her bed, concern and confusion on his face. "What've you been thinkin' on this time? I never saw you this sad before."

Siciline sat up so she could look him in the eye. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Mal. A few things in particular I probably should have told you before."

"I got time, if'n you wanna talk now."

She didn't understand why he was so calm.

"Okay. Well, I'm not a happy woman. I've seen too much. I ran away from my rich life, the life where I knew Simon and River, to try and find meaning somewhere. I ended up on Beaumonde with nothing and nobody, hoping to scrape together enough to get to a better rock. It was lonely and often difficult. But I met you. You're the only good thing that's happened to me in all the time since I left. The only constant. I know I'm flighty and sometimes distant. And much too afraid. I-I was afraid it was too good to last…but you kept coming back and, well, now you've taken me away with you…"

"Of course I took you with me. I've been thinkin' on it for a long time. But, Sisi, I don't see where all this is going."

"I—I love you," she said breathlessly. "I think I knew a long time ago it but I didn't want to let myself feel it. Life is too uncertain."

Her gaze had dropped to the floor. Mal leaned down and lifted her chin, looking her in the eye again.

"You should never be so afraid of losin' something that you don't fight for it. We've both known it for a long while. Why d'you think I kept coming back to you, hmm?" He left the bed to sit with her on the floor, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her softly.

Siciline smiled, heart pounding in her chest. "I thought so," she said, laying resting her head on his shoulder. She would have let him continue kissing her had other thoughts not distracted her.

"That wasn't the whole of what I wanted to tell you," she said quietly.

"Sorry to distract you. Please, continue."

"It was a long time ago and…I—I didn't know how to tell you, but…I, I wasn't sure how...you'd…"

Mal stroked her shoulder. "Take your time. You can tell me."

"It was over four years ago. You remember the U-day when we…met?"

"Not a day I'd soon forget."

Siciline smiled nervously. "I…I was…I had a baby nine months later."

From his change in expression, she knew Mal had not been expecting such an answer.

"Sisi…"

"I know I should have told you, I just…" She was trembling.

"Did…did you lose it? What happened?"

"I had to give her up. I didn't have a choice. My landlord wouldn't allow it. I would've lost my job and I barely had enough money to cover the bills, let alone find a different apartment and take care of a baby. The hospital found a family within days, so it wasn't drawn out. I…I wouldn't have had a good life to give her anyway…" Siciline grew quiet, listening to the ship, and their breathing, feeling his arms around her and wondering what he was thinking but not wanting to ask.

"When did I—?"

"Oh, it must have been a matter of days, maybe a week or so later that you came to Beaumonde again. I don't remember exactly. You don't remember anything being off?"

"I should've been there for you."

"You couldn't have known. Anyways, I didn't expect it, life you led. Times are crazy. I couldn't have known if you'd come back. I didn't know what I meant to you, didn't even really know what you meant to me. Of course, with that beautiful little girl gone, I figured it out real soon."

Siciline couldn't fight back the tears anymore. She let Mal hold her while she cried.

"I…I wish we could just start over, can we start over?" she asked through the tears.

" 'course we can. I'll do anythin' you need, you just gotta let me know," he said.

She nodded.

"You feel any better, gettin' all that off your chest?"

"Yeah. Thank you. It's not easy for me to open up like this."

"Can I ask you one thing?"

"Of course."

"The baby was a girl?"

Siciline nodded.

"What'd you name her?"

Mal was almost sorry he'd asked, so pained was Siciline's expression. But after a moment of silence she answered him:

"Serenity."


End file.
